He who becomes the slave of habit,
who follows the same routes every day,
who never changes pace,
who does not risk and change the color of his clothes,
who does not speak and does not experience,
He or she who shuns passion,
who prefers black on white,
dotting ones “it’s” rather than a bundle of emotions, the kind that make your eyes glimmer,
that turn a yawn into a smile,
that make the heart pound in the face of mistakes and feelings,
He or she who does not turn things topsy-turvy,
who is unhappy at work,
who does not risk certainty for uncertainty,
to thus follow a dream,
those who do not forego sound advice at least once in their lives,
He who does not travel, who does not read,
who does not listen to music,
who does not find grace in himself,
she who does not find grace in herself,
He who slowly destroys his own self-esteem,
who does not allow himself to be helped,
who spends days on end complaining about his own bad luck, about the rain that never stops,
He or she who abandon a project before starting it, who fail to ask questions on subjects he doesn’t know, he or she who don’t reply when they are asked something they do know,
Let’s try and avoid death in small doses,
reminding oneself that being alive requires an effort far greater than the simple fact of breathing.
Only a burning patience will lead
to the attainment of a splendid happiness.
― Pablo Neruda
You will crush your marriage with those expectations. Nobody can bear the weight of the expectations and the hopes of ultimate joy. The criticism of your spouse will crush you. The problems of your spouse will crush you. They will devastate you much more than they should, because you’re looking to your spouse and to marriage to save you, to make everything right in your life. Now there are a whole lot of ways this plays out. Let me just give you a couple.
When you’re married, the way it plays out is you just feel that your spouse isn’t perfect. ‘My marriage isn’t perfect, and I don’t like it.’ You cannot live with imperfection. You can’t ever settle for anything other than this incredible picture you have in your mind of absolute blissful love. You have to have it, because you’re looking to it to give you what only God can give you. So when you’re not able to actually handle mediocrity in marriage, and you get all bent out of shape about the imperfections of your spouse and your marriage and refuse to be content with the good things you have, it’s idolatry.
How do unmarried people do it? There are a lot of ways. One of the ways unmarried people make an idol out of marriage and think it’s going to save them and fix them is by being incredibly picky as they evaluate spousal prospects. You say, ‘Oh, I want a marriage, and it’s going to be like this, and it’s going to be like this. This person has to be so this and this.’ You’re looking for virtually perfect spousal prospects, but there aren’t any out there. And you’re not perfect spousal prospects. Hypocrite! You want something you’re not, and that’s idolatry.
Or maybe the most frequent form of idolatry I know is a single person who wants to be married and who so pines after being married that they cannot enjoy their present condition. What are we going to do? This is just plain common sense. There’s a tendency for us to say, ‘So are you trying to say I shouldn’t love my spouse too much, or hope to love my spouse too much?’
C.S. Lewis says it is probably impossible to love any human being too much. You may love him too much in proportion to your love for God, but it is the smallness of your love for God, not the greatness of your love for the person, that constitutes the inordinacy. Do you know what that means? Marriage will strangle us unless we have a really great, true, existential love relationship with God.
You must not try to demote your love for your spouse or the person you think you’re going to marry. You can’t at all. You have to promote your love for God. Otherwise, it’ll strangle you. Don’t you see that? So married people, you have to do that, or you are not going to be able to settle for the imperfections of your marriage and of your spouse, and single people, you have to remember Christianity is the only major religion that was started by a single person."
these sorts of things are only interruptions, right? they never flow into your life to flow as smoothly out. they enter, disrupt, and linger.
i don’t think i have permission to do so, and would not dare to assume - but i hope you are more than well. i hope you are more than happy. i hope you are full of joy and peace, and hope.
all the best, and more - i wish, for you.
"I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain."
"Hold everything with open hands. I don’t think we are ever allowed to grab hold of anything or anyone as though they matter more than the kingdom of heaven. When you hold relationships with open hands, then people come in and out of your life as gifts of grace to be cherished and enjoyed, not objects to be owned and manipulated. And then when you hold your dreams with open hands, you get to watch God resurrect what seemed dead and multiply what seemed small."
Angela Thomas, A Beautiful Offering
26: I will drink less coffee, more tea. I will be braver (I must); I will forego validation. I will be more present; I will consume less. I will be a decision maker and I will not waver.
This will be a good day.
"I realise there’s something incredibly honest about trees in winter, how they’re experts at letting things go."
this is why.
"Quite simply, they have left a space that will never be filled; therefore they are, paradoxically, still here because the space is still here, and I can feel it all the time. The gap my parents left is not a vacuum, a void, a soft area of low pressure to be filled. The gap is hard-edged, chiseled by them into my life, measured by their worth, and ineradicable."
No more will I say or hear “it was his/her time to go” to make myself feel better or worse to make others feel better around me. They were in this world, they will always be in this world.
happy birthday to a grown up booger. this girl used to be the biggest crybaby and now she doesn’t cry but she’s a good driver and a good dancer and the coolest girl i know. i love you beautiful in every way @christunas see you soon!